Predict the Future

Nov. × ’08

Predict the Future

predict the future

(at HiChristina October 17, 2008 by Fritz Donnelly and Christina Ewald)

Each person was given a piece of paper and asked to write down predictions for the future in increments, 1 year, 5 years, and 50 years from now.

Predictions for the future??????
1 Obama elected, Fritz lives in NYC
5 ?
50 ?
this is hard for me.

perception will

Building Squatter with 30 years experience

This man who starred in his own “DVD” which I won I a raffle on my last visit to “Me Cristina” just gave me this cash register paper which is slick to write on because it’s like semi gloss—I just happened to walk down Orchard St—and this happened—not so cool to write on because of the slickness, I prefer matte absorbine paper.

Retired Administrator Karen “time is on our side”

One year…….clothing is more expensive. The days of cheap clothing passes because demand is
down and wages are higher in China. China has begun to let farmers own and sell their land or
develop it in an effort to develop rural china. Price of oil is still low…..$80 per barrel. Housing
in usa has begun to recover with low mortgages available. USA is in deeper war in Afganistan.
China is buying Africa. Environmental movement is on growth path……jobs. Infrastructure for
municalities and states is subsidized by Uncle Sam. Frugality is hip. Helping each other, bartering
is more common. Healthcare for children is in place.

5 years………Solar and Wind support electrical needs in some places. Autos are more efficient so
mass transit hasn’t gone anywhere. Organic foods are the standard food. There has been a breakthrough in health science of some kind……maybe cancer, maybe altzheimers. Viruses are smarter and harder to get rid of. Less people retire early, more people are unemployed and have moved to rural areas to live more simply. Mom and Dad are grandparents, Evie and Fritz are parents and are happily engaged in creative pursuits. Body parts that are part nonorganic are common, perhaps there has been a discovery of regenerative cells, perhaps that takes 10 years.
World is still divided with those that have and those that have not. Religion still has its hold
on people to justify split.

50 years…….People live to 120 healthily. People can choose when to exit life. Brain chips are
common as a short cut to learning. The world has alot more water surface and communities float
because of this. Animals are treasured and propagated. Food is very expensive and rarely
grown in soil. Evie and Fritz are grandparents and the best of friends. Companies rule the world,
not countries. Communities exist as special places where people choose to live because of
shared values. People have to qualify to have children because of resources. Violent crime
only exists as planned. criminals are brain treated and reprogramed. Fresh air and fresh water
are the most valued commodities.

5 years 50 years

Artist Scott Kiernan

There will be a massive equake in SF. BUT it will reveal unknown gold deposits!
NEW GOLD RUSH! Fame and small fortune of the nonfinancial sort for all.
My sinuses will finally clear up.
I will have yet another camera stolen from me along with other mini crises.
Underwear on the outside will be yet again in fashion.
Technology Regression Faction
BICYCLE JACKINGS will be on the 8pm news.
More shit will melt, bad news.
Beer will be the cheapest consumable.
Summer of Love.
Trials for War Crimes.

We will still speak without speaking.
Wastefulness and greed will exist but in far smaller amounts, at least in America. This history will now be more manifest in other places. World power will continue to be a useful ghost to some.
Handheld media devices which project in real space will render the gallery space stupid and lead to more traffic accidents.
I will be 32.
A new cuneiform will be developed as a code to fight the powers that be.
Summer of Loathe = Beginning of FERAL AGE.
People wear their possessions around their neck.
US will be a desperate nation.

50 years

I will look fondly on memories of “HiChristina” from a cube in the 18th dimension tenements, eating a frozen yogurt drink pellet.
The woods will mourn their former selves.
I will speak without speaking, still.
Eyes will be able to see into th skull cavity, perception will be…
Binary will answer everything thing. The only language.

Host Fritz Donnelly

The dollar is 15, pesos or yuan or cents—it’s hard to tell. School of Self-Expression merges with the Hall of Self-Improvement. You meet a new artistic type each in these lineages:







In-a-Band Man






Rome! The Roman Empire, the Pope—Hello Pope ( a new Pope, a woman Pope) What’s going? Does ‘God ever Answer’ the subject of a funded study. And yet! We are all doctors, nurses because of Rudimentary Medical Training in Elementary, Junior High. A parallel government, education and social matrix has emerged.



Blue is no longer a color or an attitude it is the name, the impostor.

Musican Declan Zimmerman

Start Here
1 Year
October 17, 2009. My cats will be FATTER and I will be thinner. High of 78 degrees. I am here at HiChristina with my 1 year old friends. Robots keep calling my cell phone. But we all still wait on hold, still way too much. I perform a nostalgic song about the Spring of ’09, when I fell in love with an astrophysicist who then broke my heart.

5 Years
Barak Obama is still President. Sarah Palin is President of Alaska, which ha seceded and is selling us over-priced oil. Flat screen TVs considered clunky. Declan Zimmerman big on college radio, which is listened to huh? by no one anymore. Tang still available. 90s “retro” fashion is in. the poetry has been retired. Organic Doritos. Scott’s predictions will still be more interesting.


50 Years
I am way old. However I expect to live another 25 years. Jesus’ return still imminent to believers. Global warming has been reversed via climate engineering but now too much cooling. Panic ensues about the coming Ice Age. TANG company out of Shanghai. Segue-shoes are how we get around. Streets are paved with linoleum. Computers will be so small everyone loses them like their keys People live on Antarctica. World powered by solar energy. Ears surgically repaired so I can hear just fine.

Photographer and Swede Jonny

Predictions 2009
1 Year
American economy is doing worse, for some reason Obama gets the blame ‘cause he can’t fix it. The world follows a lot of whining. But the cats of lower Chinatown doesn’t care because they head no money before.

5 Years
Jonny is 34 years old and can’t leave America due to tax debts. Mastercard and Visa have finally succeded in getting the hole world in debt. How the fuck owns the credit card companies anyways?

50 Years
Skinny Baggy pants is on the way out of fashion. Gentleman bikers are the new black. It’s raining all the time. No one really knows what’s going on in China. Svenglish is the new language. Jay boy is breathing fresh air in a big farm outside Toronto with his lovely wife. He bread 5 kids that now work for the Nationala Environment Army! Jay successfully robbed 8 right-wing bankers 30 years back and fled and started a self-sustainable farm with 8 other like-minded couples and individs. Create a mini-society full of energy trees and different environmental-friendly solutions. (We are all wearing silver clothes that recharges our computha everything innit. I have white hair and black Supinox Sunglasses for sun is strong strong.

Scientist Ilir

100 years
We will find life on distant stars. 99% will be too distant to talk to. The really cool ones we will realize died 50,000 years ago.

1 year
Republican will suggest we outlaw affirmative action because a black guy became President and a woman, almost.
We will find out that something harmless is terrible for us: sunscreen or vitamins or maybe cosmetic dentistry.
Total real estate collapse for 5-10 years.

5 years
We will begin to tie a rope to a satellite and build a magic space rope to the sky. It will be called something dumb like, A Space Elevator.
We will go back to gas guzzling cars (with solar-powered coffee warmers).
There will be no wild-caught fish in the fish store.
There are no laptop or desktop computers.
Hamburgers will eat people
The first person will be cloned. It will be an annoying rich person. And he won’t tell anyone until year 10.
Cat people.
Triple Emperor Matresses.
Paper-towel sized toilet paper.
Deep fried pancake sandwiches.
We test people for heart-disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s, in Elementary School.
First chimp-human hybrid eats first Neanderthal clone.
You will be able to walk a mile in a city without seeing a library, a bookstore, a record store, a video store, stationary shop, radio station, TV station.
We will make the first artificial life-form. It will be slightly greasy.

50 years
For 20 years major immediate causes of death, stroke heart disease, 75% of cancers, are either managed everyday or cured. Limbs can be replaced. As an unfortunate result: most people suffer from “Wearing Out Syndrome”—a slow loss of 1% of the brain due to atrophy, a year, the average person has 30% less brain than today. As a result, when touring old homes we tell people the doors are smaller because people were shorter and they had books because they were smarter. People will look like this:
[a huge round blob with a queasy expression on its face].
We will all wear the same thing. This will be called “fashion.”
We will live in private corporate towns and have to buy shares to visit folks.
There will be no nostalgia industry past 2020 as nobody is forced to watch the same entertainment at the same time. (Most people will be unable to write [almost illegible].)
Milk will be outlawed.
The mammoth will be cloned, found to be delicious, and become extinct again.

Fashion Designer Alisha


Present [nice handwriting, she grew up with her grandmother]
Alisha identifies with the colloquialism “young, broke and fabulous”
Next Six Months
Valley of the Dolls Phase
One Year from Now
Alisha is still fabulous, no longer broke.
2009, September
First magazine cover.
Alisha Trimble is the most photographed fashion designer in the USA.
Barbie Doll in my likeness.
World fame. Release life story. Censored for scandalous content.
The new Mother Theresa = Mother Fuschia.
Alisha lives in an enormous unkempt castle with 3 vanity tables covered with stuff. She has found all she is seeking in life and enjoys it with her dear friends.
Valley of the Dolls Phase Part 2
Buried next to Elizabeth Taylor.
Exhumed due to mysterious cause of death scandal.


Programmer Ethan

China lands on the moon.
China moves entire population to moon.
Chinese moon population cuts off all communications with Earth, having become self-sufficient.
Chinese population begins to evolutionarily diverge from contemporary humanity. Owing to superior moon nutrition and reduced gravity. New generations are, on average, 10 feet tall.
Chinese moon men, with ambitions of world domination, return to Earth. After initial successes they fall victim to newly fragile skeletons and collapse under Earth’s gravity.


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Lectures Series Number One - Financial Advice

Sep. × ’08

This is the most important political issue of our lifetimes. It’s the first time in history that the strongest political stance is to DO NOTHING.

3 Ways of Thinking about the $700 Billion Bailout
How to Regain the Democracy

If your landlord evicted you and then asked you to buy the building for him as a “present,” what would you say?

Imagine if your landlord raised the rent, evicted you, then asked you for money to buy the building. To make matters worse you wouldn’t own the building, you wouldn’t even own the apartment, the landlord wants the money for free and gives you nothing in return, not even the building you just bought him or your apartment inside. So you’re homeless, then you’re peniless, and the landlord owns the building, for free. That sounds impossible right? That’s what’s going on right now, that’s the $700 BAILOUT PROPOSAL.

You’ve been reading about this and hearing it on the ‘news.’ Banks raised mortgages, people couldn’t pay. They repossessed property, evicting families. And now these same banks are asking the government to buy the properties so the banks can continue to own them. They could just give the properties back to the people in the first place, lower the mortgage and make more money. The amazing thing about the “balance sheets” of these banks is that a home, an asset to you, a place to live, is a liablity to a bank. It’s something they need to get rid of, to convert to cash, to make liquid, to melt down. Banks own all the property in this country already, they RENT IT to us, that’s what a mortgage is. And if we don’t pay the rent, no matter how long we have been paying it, if we miss a month or two, out we go.

Why NOT to bailout anything:

1) The economy is going to “fail” or go into a “depression” no matter what.
but this is good for most people because

a) the little bit of money you have will be worth more

b) American goods and services will be cheaper to manufacture and to sell overseas

2) We evicted people because they couldn’t pay why treat corporations differently?
when Americans were being evicted because of predatory lending and spurious mortgage practices no one offered to buy their homes and give them to them, no one even offered to waive late fees or lower interest rates for them, we let hundreds of thousands of people get kicked out of their homes

now the banks own those homes, the same banks that are asking us to pay them today

Buying a home = renting a home from the bank.

3) The economy is going to crash anyway.
European governments just tried to bailout their banks, spent billions, and it doesn’t matter their

4) The government already spent all our money on the War ! Man!
Why not ask the bomb manufactuerers for a cut of their profits. Come on Stan, I know you made a killing selling incindiary grenades, we don’t even use them over there, what say you give us 50% of the profit you made on that deal? You’ll still come out ahead, and we can use the money to

Why does writing politicians, calling, demonstrating, why does this make a difference:

Politics is a conversation happening in a back room that we’re not allowed into. We’re outside. We’re going about our daily business. We usually don’t have time or the inclination for these conversations. So if we stop what we’re doing, suddenly the men in the backroom pause, and listen. What’s going on outside. Have they caught on to us?

There is one person in that room who is not corrupt to the bone. There is one person who wants to do something ethical. There is one person who loves humankind more than he loves money and more than he fears danger. It is this one person who needs us to say the right thing, to ask people to do the right thing. So that when this one person speaks no one says he’s crazy or his viewpoint is from outerspace. We all need to speak so that one person can speak. Because the pressure to go along with the money with the power with the greed and the fear is overwhelming, it takes enormous inner reserves. The insider who speaks out, who voices the will of the people outside the room, is persuasive. Everyone knows the difference between being selfish and mean and being kind. The voice of kindness of brilliance, of innovation and creativity will only prevail in the back room if the front room is full of people restless and noisy for just and honest behavior.

As of this writing the House of Representatives has voted against the bailing out these companies 228 to 205. Write your congress people, cut and paste the arguments from this blog, or just say in your own way what you think about all of this. Why give handouts to huge corportations? In New York there are laws against peniless people begging on the subway. Why give pennies, all of our pennies, and our bucks, our Jeffersons and Franklins to the richest people in the world? Infinity divided by two is still infinity. They’re going to come out of this crisis fine. JP Morgan made his fortune during the Great Depression. Banks love these times, they can take all the money and property all over the world. The result of a bailout will be that the number of people who lobby politicians will go from 50,000 to 1,000. Without the bailout we’ll go from a Fortune 500 to a Fortune 500,000. More people should share the wealth of our collective labors not fewer.

Here’s who to write or call. Democracy is a muscle, flex it:

who voted which way:

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A full day of Highschool in 8 minutes

Sep. × ’08

Taxi Driver on the Curb: This is the future of art. People want to see live thing. Flesh, be with people. They want to see fancy things, video effects, some lights. This is lights and action and cameras. Everyone is photographed everyone is acting. Big stars for everyone.

Art Curator: How can I sell this?

Taxi Driver: Don’t sell, buy.

Here’s a video of an improvised, interactive performance at SLIP in the Lower Eastside.

Instructors: Fritz Donnelly
Students: Patrick Buckelew the Mangina, Amy Uzi, Kyle, Kilbourne 22, Andrea, Christina Ewald

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ideas for filming the Olympics

Aug. × ’08

Instead of shooting every event like a basket ball game (following all the players back and forth):

shoot it like Reservoir Dogs:

the competitors faces, next to one another, running toward you, slow motion on the really fast events.

This tactic will lure ‘women’ to become more interested in sports.
And you can remove the get-to-know-the-athelete clips:
person in the pool, slow close up face in black and white, person on the farm at home.

Choose angles with a preference for
human drama
over mechanical prowess
or national pride.

Maybe they’ve tried this and discovered that athletes faces are ‘expressionless’.

In which case PLAN B,

during each event, instead of watching the Chinese team hi-five all their team mates, or a couple of parents squirm and smile as their child-turned-athlete wins a medal,
cut to an average adult athlete performing the same event.
Or better still, average people from all over the world - the average age, height, weight, income person from every country performing whichever event. This is the base line, the comparison, to see just how extraordinary the world’s best atheletes are.

Special Olympics? No, Extra-Ordinary Olympics.

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dance party

Jul. × ’08

Christina Ewald is wearing saran wrap, scrub pads, and cupcake tins.

This was shot by Fritz Donnelly (myself in purple sparkles) and David McDaniel (in black with pointy shoes) and Lauren (invisible) at SWOON MAGAZINE’s recent party (July something 2008).

The music is played live by Preacher and the Knife. What started as another DressMeUp, TellMeWhatToDo project become a crowd-wild dance party. Special thanks to the moshers, the ‘bag head man,’ and the proprietors of Swoon: Anya, Melisa, Shauna.

Many of the guests are costumed by Christina including Karen (in the swimsuit), Simone (in negliee), Fritz (myself).

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How to Fight N Win - LIVE!

Jul. × ’08

After showing action films at hiChristina we participated in action moves. Everyone attacked one another, laughing (video coming soon).

Films shown included:



HOW TO FIGHT N WIN (the ghetto version)


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Jul. × ’08

(giraffe, dog, and rainbow images created by Christina Ewald and taken from )


Short films alongside Interactive performances an astounding 7 days in a row!

Be a part of the fun this week as SLIP takes us through Fritz Donnelly’s imaginary wonderland of insanity and love! Come prepared for anything and everything as you first kick back, eat some popcorn and enjoy short films about peanut butter animation, vampires and nudity, then take a jello(shot?) and PARTICIPATE! in the interactive performances that follow!

Every night is different so who knows where you may end up– One night you could be attending a real high school class and learning Chinese after viewing a subtitled Chinese film, the next defeating the dragon in Dungeons and Dragons after watching comedic short films about peanut butter, still the very next night your in a head lock after watching action movies and learning karate. Come on- be a kid again let your imagination run wild!

JUNE 27 - JULY 3, 2008 at SLIP 154 Orchard Street between Rivington and Stanton
See the complete works of Fritz Donnelly. Each night has two components. A series of short films (about 45 minutes) and a different live performance. Each night is unique.

Friday June 27

Fast Times at Junior High revisited
short films: Junior High School Peanut Butter Animation, Deep Springs College Labor Video, Brown University Peanut Butter Dancer Video
performance: Play Dungeons and Dragons with the MASTER, and fight the DRAGON!!!! (We need dice… someone may need to bring some-thanks!)
Saturday June 28
Breakfaster Club - A Full High School Day in 60 minutes - No Tardies!

short films: Blue Lobster (50 minutes, Fritz’s first “feature” film)
performance: a full day in High School (with lunch) condensed into 60 minutes - get your schedule - see who you’re sitting next to - cut class - hit on the teacher

AT MIDNIGHT - a special screening of MOONSHINE a full-length vampire movie shot by filmmaker prodigy Roger Ingraham

Sunday June 29

How to Understand Everything about Power by Studying Monks
short films: “How Drive the Car,” “Paper Grunts,” “Boardroom” and other To the Hills 1 shorts with clips from the TO THE HILLS TV SHOW that aired on MNN
performance: a medley reading from of Fritz’s college papers on Aesthetics mashed up with Medieval History and Soviet Art

Monday June 30

Is China Taking Over YOUR World? (Answer provided)
short films: Short Strange Wedding Video shot in the Hamptons, Segement of a Million Dollar Chinese Feature Film that Fritz edited, Foreign Language “Instructor” and more
performance: a beginning conversational Chinese Class taught by Lao Wang (Fritz Donnelly)

Tuesday July 1

Let’s Be Scientists
short films: How to Keep a Kitten a Kitten through Massage and other pseudoscience films from To the Hills 2
performance: Let’s be Scientists - learn how to be a scientist in your off hours and during sideways time - a conversation among CASUAL SCIENTISTS
Wednesday July 2
FIght n Win
short films: How to Fight n Win Action Movies
performance: How to Break Holds and Defend yourself with mat practice

Thursday July 3

Dress Me Up, Tell Me What to Do
short films: 12 DRESS-ME-UP-TELL-ME-WHAT-TO-DO movies
performance: a live reading of the screen play CREDIT CHECK - email Fritz for a copy tothehills(at)gmail(dot)com and to be a part of the cast, the audience chooses the costumes for the readers from a pile of naughty clothes
admission is $7 and includes popcorn and jello(shots?) and a raffel ticket with chance to win free prizes like tothehills DVDs

Christina Clare Ewald wrote
at 1:40pm on June 28th, 2008
yes. can’t wait for class tonght!!

Winkel Mark wrote
at 8:59am on June 28th, 2008
Will there be any dissection?

Ire Cortes (Toronto, ON) wrote
at 3:58pm on June 26th, 2008
yayayaaaaaaa fritz on the fritz
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let’s be scientists

Jul. × ’08

Why leave it to the real scientists to save the world, when you can? Why let other people come up with the answers to life, the universe, and everything? The CASUAL SCIENTIST can save the world while lying awake in bed or while sitting on the train. Use the MENTAL EXPERIMENT to figure out how to stop global warming, how to cure cancer, how to sequence DNA, how to make friends and influence people.

ste-018mental03 - 2 minute sound clip where Dr Ilyr Topalli discusses the most famous casual scientist and his daring mental experiment:

Do you trust scientists? A casual scientist is a person who tries to figure out for themselves how the world works. We can all be casual scietists, it doesn’t take extra time it just requires some confidence and attitude. The confidence to ask questions (of yourself, others, the world) and the attitude to follow through (to not be scared of the answers). The sources for the information presented below are Casual Scientists.

The Scientific Method according to PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES:

Take an unhappy rat. Try every drug you have on the rat, A to Z. Whatever makes the rat happy, try on other rats. If that continues to work, try it on people. You don’t know why it works, you don’t know the full range of things it does, but you know it makes the rat happy. This is called EMPIRICISM or trial and error.

The Scientific Method according to THE CASUAL SCIENTIST:

[insert audio clip]

The CHAIN OF EXPERIMENTS according to Fritz:

How do you know that the results you’re getting relate to the experiment you’re doing? After you try the first experiment, try a subsequent one designed to test the same idea, but in a different way.

Before 2001 America spent more money on science than all the oher nations of the world combined. Since then the funding for science has been diverted to corporations. Foreign people coming to the United States have not ben allowed to study science. So now other countries are building science academies rather than donating money to improve Americn ones, and scientists who have been working for 20 years are becoming lawyers and working for pharmaceuticals. As a corporation applying for a science research grant you have a 1 in 2 chance of receiving the grant. As a scentist applying through a university you have a 1 in 15 chance.

One mark of the CASUAL SCIENTIST is performing science at odd hours, in spare time, without a gigantic lab or a lot of fuss. One of the primary tools of such a scientist is the MENTAL EXPERIMENT. Here’s a famous experiment from one of the most famous casual scientists to have ever lived. It’s called, “What if the universe had a speed limit?”

Seth Ludman concluded the conversation with a call to all casual scientists:

Fritz: “How can these casual scientists make a major contribution to our understanding of the world? We want to make break-throughs.”

Seth: “If you’d like to be a famous scientist just take an established dogma and reverse one part of it. For example, take the idea that life arouse out of a hot bubbly primordial soup with all these amino acids floating around. The idea is that all this heat energy shakes up the amino acids, some of them combine together, and then you have the beginnings of life. Now instead of saying life came out of a hot place, say it started in a cold place. And a guy in the antarctic put a clear solution, sterile except for a couple amino acids. in a freezer. He left it there for six months. When he opened the freezer six months later the water was brown.”

Fritz: “Brackish water.”

Seth: “Yes, and that indicated that the amino acids had combined and formed the first stage of life. So if you want to be a famous scientist take any scientific dogma, reverse a part of it and test it.”

Before the science discussion I showed some films in a kind of spiralling pattern to circumambulate the idea of science and gradually zoom into it.

We decided the five forces are:

  1. eat it/burn it (chemistry, combustion)
  2. move it (physics F=MA, force = mass x acceleration)
  3. love it (magnetism)
  4. suck it (gravity)
  5. imagine it (invisible power: nuclear)

movie - how it relates to “science”

  1. Instructor - learning
  2. Wigs and Hats - innovation and discovery
  3. Favorite Car - you must stay focused as a scientist but sometimes you should let go and sing a song, drive around
  4. Financial Advice
  5. Awkward Social Situations: Prolonged Eye Contact
  6. Astronaut’s Diary
  7. Where Paper Comes From - science is concerned with the origin of life, the universe, and everything
  8. Everything I Know - what do you know that you didn’t learn from anyone else?
  9. Forever Kitten - an ongoing 10 year experiment to keep a kitten from maturing into a cat (keep a kitten a kitten) starring a “science specialist”
  10. Fable - an experiment with these paramaters: strangers,* a shower, skin-tight costumes and feathered wings

*3 sets of two friends who know one another but not the different sets, 2 friends meet 2 friends meet 2 friends

The screenings from the two days before involved me showing all the films I’ve made that have Chinese. One wasn’t subtitled so I translated live. It was reminiscent of public access shows in which a couple of goofballs talk over a movie or a tv show.

Read a paper called America the Beautiful - I’ve decided to post all the essays I wrote in College, High School, Junior High School, etc. to invite other people to do the same. It’s a conglomerator called EVERYTHING I KNOW.

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Deaf-friendly films and a day of highschool in 50 minutes

Jul. × ’08

It turns out I have deaf-friendly movies. A woman came to the screening but her date left before we started. Here are the movies I showed and how they’re deaf friendly

  1. Fable - shower fight movie with subtitles part of the How to Fight n Win action movie series
  2. Paper Grunts - stop motion drawing
  3. Writer - not deaf-friendly because there’s voice-over, but no annoying lips moving
  4. Volotrons - fingers from outerspace
  5. Thinker - after the show I was asked if the thinker was paralysed, sometimes thinking opposes action
  6. Clone Wars III - title cards

Then we went through a full day of HIGH SCHOOL in 50 minutes.

People scrounged at lunch.

The Mangina didn’t take off his pants.

One student removed all her clothes spontaneously (and according to schedule) for the nude model drawing class. I had brought a nude manikin shell form for someone to wear but she was too quick for me, no zippers. These are some drawings of the A and B- students respectively:


Amy Uzzi and the Mangina liked the highschool ‘physical plant’ so much that they’ll be coming back to SLIP in August.

Everybody moved during PE. And if you broke a sweat you wiped it on the teacher’s palm, A+. I have video of some of this. Stay tuned.

My favorite lesson was the ‘active voice,’ taught in Language Arts. You try it. Say a sentence. Now communicate the same idea without using the verb “to be” or similar passive verbs.

‘I have lice,’ could be more active. ‘I attract lice.’ That’s better.

At Midnight a new wave of people showed up for Roger Ingraham’s vampire movie MOONSHINE.

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Openning at SLIP - screened Blue Lobster and played games

Jun. × ’08

the plan:

Friday June 27 - Fast Times at Junior High revisited
short films: Junior High School Peanut Butter Animation, Deep Springs College Labor Video, Brown University Peanut Butter Dancer Video
performance: Play Dungeons and Dragons with the MASTER, and fight the DRAGON!!!!

the reality:

short films: BLUE LOBSTER (the cut that begins with Henry Chamberlain auditioning for a work-sensitivity corporate video about PMS and Hemorrhoids) and FRITZ DONNELLY WILL NOT SUBMIT HIS FILM TO THE FESTIVAL (starring Seth Ludman) and BERTOLOTTI’S ICE CREAM COMMERCIALS (starring the junkyard dog) and EN AMERIQUE a surreal wedding video shot in the Hamptons - the Deep Springs college and Brown University videos have temporarily disappeared, clamour and we may find them.

performance: A bunch of people who had never played Dungeons and Dragons before and a couple of people who had, a collection of strangers, made characters and did some amazing things. Eyal’s character jumped on a fire ball without burning himself and rode it through a clearing. He amazed the goblins in the trees and made them dig in the ground until they made porridge. Clint’s CENTAUR ran into the clearing and fell into a pit trap and was almost killed by two tiny green gilled men inside. Even though they were only 3 feet tall and his character was eight or more. His character has a Charisma of 3. Annie’s HALFLING THIEF snuck around and stabbed one of the goblins in the back. They wore long knee high socks. She didn’t take these but took a brass armband. She also didn’t take the necklace of preserved rat heads the goblin was wearing, though Christina liked these. Christina also liked the scaly arms that the these little fellows achieved by cutting a hole in the back of a fish, hollowing it out, and pulling the skin onto thier arms so that the fish mouths served as cuffs. Christina’s character was later taken over by Paris who described the character as a “sweaty politician from Connecticut, as long as he’s surrounded by people he feels just fine and won’t do anything.”

The game started by each person rolling 3 six sided dice and adding up the results of each role and assigning them to six attributes.* Then the player choses a class (an occupation) and a creature type (human, elf, centaur, etc.). After that you just listen to the Dungeon Master (Fritz) describe the setting and then you describe what your character does. It’s group storytelling with some loose rules and a reward system for resolving conflict creatively.

// * Three attributes describe the character’s physique: Strength, Dexterity (nimbleness), Constitution (hardiness, health). Three describe the character’s mentality and presence though the way the character is played greatly influences these things: Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. //

Back to the action. As soon as the group arrived at the clearing Annie’s friend’s GNOME tried to detect if their were creatures with bad intentions lurking around. It seemed like a good place for a trap, and it was a trap. He detected about 8 creatures who were lurking in the woods around the clearing. But nonetheless the centaur ran into the middle of it. Jesse’s ELVEN MAGE cast a fog spell. A mist bubbled out of the ground and enveloped most of the characters including the nice new guy who arrived at this point and played a CLERIC so he could heal people in case they got hurt. The people in the fog were hidden but they also couldn’t see out. Like life, Dungeons and Dragons is full of these little trade-offs. In H. G. Welles’ Invisible Man, only the man’s chemistry is made invisible, so to be unseen he must be naked, and since he’s from northern europe he spends a lot of the novel shivering in the woods. Anyway Jesse’s mage crept to the edge of his fog so he could see what was happening in the clearing. I can’t remember who threw the rolling ball of fire; it may have been the nice man’s cleric. In the end the Centaur crawled through a tunnel and jumped into an underground pool to swim and emerge on the other side surrounded by more 3 foot men with fish cuff arms who flung stones at him. He only had 1 hit point left (out of 10) and would have been killed by the stones but Jesse’s mage, now being played by Clint as Jesse had to go to bed, cast a telekinesis spell. I had earlier stipulated that this spell could move 10 pounds. Jesse’s mage used it earlier to shake a goblin out of a tree. The goblin fell ontop of Eyal’s surprising character. When I first asked Eyal what race he wanted to be, he replied “a plate.”
FRITZ: “A saucer?”
EYAL: “Yeah. Spinning around so fast and whoosing everybody up.”
F: “Isn’t that a little asocial. You won’t have a mouth. It helps to communicate in this game. Wouldn’t you like to talk to people?”
E: “A flying saucer, i’ll fly around.”
F: “How about some arms and legs?”
Eventually we compromised on his character’s race: human being.

I used to play this game with a group of friends when I was in Junior Highschool. The game has a strange reputation. It varies from a kind of goth-nerd cross obsession, to some kind of Cloak and Dagger renenactment troupe, to a fantasy gang just like the bloods and crips but with robes and cloaks instead of red checked shirts and blue bandannas. It isn’t any of those things. It’s group story telling in the fantasy milieu. It’s more like Harry Potter mixed with gambling and free association. I was clique-less in school
but I was an athelete. The guys I played the game with all went to another school full of strange new girls you’d never met before. Somehow there was plenty of time to chase after these girls, swim in the lake (you’d come out green) and still play this game all night long. That was the ‘weekend,’ what a great invention. We’d often walk three miles to the grocery store to eat 4am donuts. Somehow there was always a factual argument along the way about something that none of us had any facts about. Like if you had a sliding glass door to outer space and you stepped out would you explode or implode? Shouldn’t you explode because there’s so little matter in space? It’s basically empty. Don’t molecules spread out to distribute evenly in a given volume? Brownian Motion. Yet it seems that things float around in space just fine. The planet stays together, comets drag a bit but stay on course. Mark Twain’s comet has been coming back every 75 or 76 years and it holds together. [If you edit a blog post a month later does it pop up as a new post and leave it's place in the chronology? I might like to edit some of this later. It may be a little "talky" for my taste.] So maybe you don’t implode or explode, you just float away on the same momentum that pushed you out into space in the first place. This could be a friendly discussion but of course somebody’s friend’s father was an astronaut so all kinds of evidence is brought into the conversation. But nobody’s friend’s father is an astronaut are they? What are the chances of that? We lived nowhere near an airport, much less a space launch pad. [Remind me to put episodes of Astronaut's Diary online.]

So the Mage rolled a 17 on 3 six sided dice. It was actually me rolling, and that’s a pretty difficult role to make. You see Christina’s character–later played by Paris–is a good example of what can happen when you roll these dice. All of her rolls were between 9 and 12. These are the most statistically probable numbers to arise and they mean that your character is totally ordinary. If I’d put this to Christina a little more gently she might have stayed in the game longer. She’s a wonderfully creative person and makes things up all the time, you’d think Dungeons and Dragons would be in her nature. I heard her answer the phone today with a quack. Or an oink. The sound of a kind of happy but puffy animal moving into a smaller space. Like the noise in someone’s mind when they move from their farm in Alabama to an apartment on the Lower Eastside. There’s pleasure in that sound too, but it’s mixed with other things. I once played Dungeons and Dragons with my mom and sister and let me tell you when I killed the donkey, their donkey, it was all over. Anyone who likes mystery novels would like this game. I think there’s a place for group visualization and storytelling, not just in movietheatres. I think that will be a new form of entertainment in the future, or that technology will facillitate a rather old form of entertainment. It’s all hapenning inside a person’s head anyway, might as well amp it up a little.

So Jesse’s elven mage as played by Clint, saw 17 of the 18 stones that were flung at him and the centaur. He redirected the stones so that they fell on the little creatures in front of them who had surrounded them with spears. Then the centaur leapt over these creatures, over a barricade where the little kobolds who had thrown the stones were hiding, and up a steep hill. He stopped at the top, Jesse’s elven mage on his horse back, and saw the castle. The castle ruins that the group’s secret treasure map indicated. Annie’s friend had taken a clever diplomatic approach. He had bargained with the little kobolds, for they were kobolds, a small cunning and cowardly creature who has a good fashion sense and a flair for outrageousness. The kobolds agreed to back up the group and to show them a secret way into the castle, if the group would destroy the knee-high sock wearing goblins who had been opressing them. This is much how Genghiz Khan took over the world. In most of the new cities and kingdoms he approached he first contacted the most opressed people, often religious people or people of another kind of minority, and offered them asylum if they would rebel. They didn’t need to rebel until his force was already in a superior position. Annie’s friend’s character enlisted a couple dozen of the kobolds to back them up. The game ended with the ambush thwarted, none of the main characters dead or too angry at one another, and a horde of little green people with fish decorated arms and long spears looking around nervously.

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